Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing…

Opportunities are starting to knock and we gotta start figuring out which doors to open.  Doc has interviews lined up in 4 different cities right now and we may end up with more in the near future.  It’s difficult to keep away from playing all the “what if” games about moving vs. staying.  But one thing is for sure, I cannot believe we are almost done with medical school!  Doc has worked so hard for the last 3+ years and we are rapidly approaching May 13th!  All the major tests are done.  All the classes, finished.  Now we’re planning the next chapter.  We’re almost there.  I am so proud of him and how hard he has worked.  He is an absolutely amazing man and he has endured everything life has thrown at us and come out on top and he is about to be “Doc” for real.  This might seem preemptive since May is still 7 months away, but the major hurdles are done!

whitecoatLooking back to the beginning of medical school, I would have told myself this:

“It’s not as bad as people keep telling you it will be. It’s not great, but it’s not as bad as people keep telling you.”

This doesn’t mean that there weren’t/aren’t times that I have really loathed Doc being away or how little students loans covers or how stressed out Doc has been. 

I will say though, that I was pretty naive about some of the things those who went before us went through. 

I didn’t understand the burn out periods that come along or the way that people talked about patients.  I didn’t understand how someone could sound like they didn’t care about the people who trusted them with their life.  Now I understand that they get frustrated and vent about patients because they do care and they are frustrated by how little they can truly help some people.  It is still hard for me sometimes to hear the way Doc talks about some patients when he is stressed and frustrated because as much as I wish I was enough a part of that world to truly understand, I know I don’t.  BUT, I certainly sympathize and regret the somewhat judgmental feelings I have had for docs who talk about their patients negatively.

I was 20 when Doc started medical school.  I think back to our  392wedding day and realize that I was extremely young.  I might have been able to make it on my own then, but I was very idealistic about the world.  I’d like to think that I’ve learned to be less judgmental.  We will begin the 3 years of Doc’s residency when I am 24.  24 is still pretty young.

Residency and especially intern year have many of the same horrible warnings surrounding them for spouses and families.  So I’m just going to tell myself, “It’s not as bad as people keep telling me it will be.”  There will be times it really sucks.  There will be days that Doc is burnt out and says things that I cannot wrap my head around.  But in the end, we will come out of residency feeling like we have grown even more. 

So as we are wrapping up one journey, I’m sitting, waiting, wishing, dreaming about the future and what adventures may lie ahead.

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, gotta love that "what-if" part of life. I know it all too well! Its really hard to resist thinking about all of the future's possibilities. What I've learned, is that thinking and anticipating really isn't a bad thing. Its when you get your heart set on something that isnt for sure that you get yourself into trouble. I am so excited for you, matt, and evelyn! I know you three have wonderful adventures ahead of you and I can't wait to see where life takes you!