I’ve been thinking a lot about the feeling of apprehension lately. I remember Wolfcub’s echo when we wanted to see how messed up he really was and if he had a chance. I remember Little Bird’s when we just wanted to see a heart beating, and not an empty womb. I remember lots of moments that seemed like they were monumental. Now we are trying to figure out what problems Wolfcub is having with his heart at this moment.
The problem exists. There is truth in that there is a problem. Whatever that problem is will not change based on the tests they do. When he likely has another cath, I cannot control what they will find. It’s already there. I may hope for a certain outcome, but the outcome exists.
My point is, there is no point to the feeling of apprehension or fear of what they may find. If it is there, it is there. Knowing about it is just giving us a tool to make decisions about where we go from here. Wolfcub’s heart problems existed before, during and after the echo. Little Bird’s heart was beating. That little velvet box held an engagement ring and that envelope held an acceptance letter to OSU. What I wanted or wished for didn’t magically change anything. You cannot change truth.
I feel like we should always look for the truth, even if the truth isn’t what we wanted or the truth could be something fearful. Because even if it wasn’t what we wanted, it is no less real. You cannot change truth, you can only decide what you will do with knowledge of it. I chose to not look at each situation with apprehension, but eagerness. I am eager to know the truth so I can be wise in my choices.