Back to School

The air is getting cooler! It was 86 yesterday. The smell of freshly sharpened pencils is in the air, number lines and bulletin boards are hanging, and Little Bird has a new lunch pail, backpack, and a few little outfits for her first foray into preschool.

I think it’s actually really neat that she will be going to the same preschool my brothers and I attended when we were little.  She will have tons of outdoor and gym playtime as well as structured thematic units and will go to music every Wednesday. 

Little Bird will go to preschool three days a week, which is wonderful as she is showing a higher and higher interest in playing with other children.  She particularly seems to enjoy handing her little cousin blocks to play with and picking them up when he throws them, so I’m willing to bet she ends up being the motherly one in her class…when she isn’t jumping off the cabinets and scaring the hell out of her teachers.

Speaking of scaring the hell out of teachers, my classroom is almost ready for my new crop of 60 bright eyed fifth graders.  I added a few new “tricks” this year.  For example, I’ve eliminated the chance that a student might forget to use a red pen to grade instead of a pencil and accidently change their answers by attaching big flowers to the ends of a class set of grading pens.  If you aren’t grading with a sunflower…I WILL KNOW!

Second, I’ve put a strip of blue duct tape around all of my person supplies like pens, pencils, dry erase markers, and sharpees.  I have no qualms with loaning out my materials to students, but they often forget they borrowed it and then I have nothing left to use at school – so I’m hoping the blue strip reminds them to return it!

Also, a Twitter board went up!  We have interesting articles from Tween Tribune, an online magazine for 9-12 year olds posted in the hall with a folder of post-its mounted next to it.  Students can write their thoughts and post them, almost like comments, onto our board to get them interacting with one another through the bulletin boards in our room. 

Check here for my favorite article!

New Blog

I wanted to start a new blog specifically geared towards our situation with Rowan’s heart.  This allows me to share our journey in a separate location.

Please visit

Within Each Heart

to see updates.

Pathway to Peace of Mind

Original post date – August 8, 2011

Well, I decided I was done throwing my pity party – though I fully believe I was entitled to it.  I’ve got my war face on and I’m ready to approach this with the strength and courage that is necessary.  I haven’t shed a tear in 3 days and I am starting to enjoy being pregnant again instead of feeling like I’m a time bomb for disaster.

The right frame of mind can make any struggle bearable.

So for those who find themselves in a situation where they don’t know how to handle what has been given to them, here’s what helped me out.

Fake it ‘til you make it – talk to other people about your situation in a positive manner.  Don’t let those “what ifs” seep into conversation.  My baby is going to have some time in the NICU but it’s amazing what doctors can do today and we have an incredible team assembled.  It will be rough, but he’ll be fine!  My son will be trying my patience before I know it!  You say it enough, you realize you truly believe it.

Zen your home – keeping my house clean, throwing out trash, listening to quiet music, keeping the TV off as much as possible, keeping the lights dim – all things that create a copable atmosphere where you are much less likely to be totally overwhelmed by something and journey back to “what if” land.

Make jokes – if you can joke about it, it’s going to be fine.  Doc and I have made many a jokes about Rowan later in life – about how one day he might get married and swear to love someone with all of his donor’s heart for as long as his body doesn’t reject it – or about how we’ll tell him to stop doing everything so “halfheartedly”.  Is it kinda inappropriate?  You bet!  Bet making jokes like that helps you really believe that you may get to a point in your life where those jokes are okay.

Plan for success – focus on what you need when everything goes right, and plan like it will.  Don’t play the “what if” game and let it keep you from doing what you would normally.  I will still have my shower at work that the dear ladies throw.  We will still do maternity pictures, and I will still light up and beam with joy when people ask me how far along I am or tell me how beautiful I look.  AND Doc will still roll his eyes when I get super excited at little boy clothes.  I’m so excited to meet my son.

Appreciate those around you who are amazing right now, forgive those who aren’t – not everyone knows what to do in these situations.  They don’t all understand that you don’t know what you need help with and they just need to take tasks from you and do them, or that they need to check up on you and let them know they care frequently because that support is invaluable.  Be blessed to have friends and family that do leap in and understand that just because some don’t, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t…it just means they don’t know what to do, and when you get better at asking for help, they will be there!

Forgive yourself – you aren’t at your best right now.  Don’t expect yourself to be.  Forgive the laundry you forgot about or the one time you yelled at your child because you were overwhelmed.  You are allowed to have moments of weakness.

We meet with the Pediatric Cardiologist Thursday – we will have a shopping list and game plan ready at the end of that meeting.  I’m excited to be meeting another part of the team and I’m going into this meeting with a peace about our situation and a readiness to prepare.

PSO and City Water

PSO is suggesting that rolling blackouts may be necessary to combat the high energy usage of everyone trying to keep their homes cool in this heat.  The city is worried that rationing of water might be a reality very soon.

AND STILL

Some of my neighbors are watering their grass twice a day!  Now I understand watering flower beds, especially if you invested in some nice landscaping, but if you have lush green grass right now, think about what you are doing.

The city has asked that people reduce their watering to every other day – totally reasonable.

PSO has asked that we do such things as never set our thermostat below 80.  Well, that isn’t happening because pregnant doesn’t do well with that, but I do raise my thermostat up during the day to 78 and we turn it back down at night when everyone is here.

We water twice a week – just trying to keep the grass alive.

We’re trying to reduce what usage we can right now.

Which is nice, because we are trying to save what we can to make sure we can afford to pay for the care our little one will need when he gets here.  A teacher and an intern make enough to live comfortably for sure, but when you don’t know the extent of what your medical bills will be, it’s pretty darn scary – so anything we can save, we will save.

FML

Well, good news yesterday, bad news today.

My little man likely has Transposition of the Greater Vessels.  This means that it looks like his Pulmonary Artery and Aorta might be hooked up to the wrong sides of the heart.

There are some problems that come along with this, but essentially what we understand this likely means is that his first surgery will be much more complicated, but that surgery will fix the arteries.  This is still fixable, just a little more intense.

I'm clinging to the fixable.  I can withstand all of this is I can still hold out hope that he will be okay in the end.  The only problem is, every little obstacle that shows up makes me feel like that hope is slipping.

Once again, when we meet with the Pediatric Cardiologist on the 11th, we are hoping to have some more answers.  I'm starting to wonder though, if this will require us to visit another city for our delivery and for Rowan's surgeries. 

I had a bit of a breakdown today.  Thank goodness my mother is here to help.  She is taking care of Little Bird while I get my shit together.  Doc told me today that I need to let the people in our lives take care of us for a little while so we can take care of Rowan.  I'm trying to accept help and not let it make me feel like a failure. 

Thank you to my wonderful coworker who decided to decorate my classroom for me and to the ladies who arranged all my furniture in my classroom.

Never Been So Happy To Have A Nurse Call!

Because they call when tests are normal!

I think it was worth all of the horrible discomfort from the Amniocentesis to know that Rowan does NOT have Down Syndrome or any other DNA problems associated with heart deformities that they tested for.

He’s also 100% a boy, as if the giant thing between his legs didn’t make us feel confident enough at the ultrasound.

So, I have ever reason to believe that Hypoplastic Right Heart is what we are dealing with, and the only major obstacle we foresee.

So I’m off to create an Amazon Wish List!  He will only be able to use certain things in the NICU and with his scar/monitors, so we are holding off on buying much until we get a list of what he can use from the cardiologist/NICU staff.

I tell ya what, I have never been so damn excited to get a test result back.  First good news in a while and it feels great!

Halfway!

We have officially made it halfway to meeting Rowan!  20 weeks and some change.  Odds are, we are more than halfway but a little bit as they will most likely schedule his delivery earlier than my due date, but it's still exciting. 

Life is returning to feeling a bit more normal.  I went up to work to check on the situation my classroom is in today, Doc is gone most of the time, and soon I'll be busy enough that time will fly even faster.

I still very much feel the big looming cloud of our appointment with the Pediatric Cardiologist weighing on me, but I'm trying to enjoy the time I have left with Little Bird before school starts.

We have so many things to look forward to before we meet our son - time to start getting ready for fall and halloween and cooler weather