With Little Bird, I felt extremely confident in my ability to have the birth I wanted. It would be just a few people, all people I knew. We’d be at home, where I felt safe and in control. I’d know where everything was, have access to my comforts, and work through whatever pains labor brought on.
Now, I’m packing a hospital bag, filling out paperwork to “preregister” for my epidural, and trying to think positively.
A natural birth for me and my Little Tree are not nearly as likely. First, I’ll be in a hospital, so the access to medication and interventions is much more ready. Second, Little Tree is not a “healthy” baby so any minor hiccup could escalate to c-section – things that you might not worry about with a “normal” kid.
So I am preparing myself to be okay with whatever happens. My birth plan is simple. I would like to forgo any medication or intervention that is not required for my son’s safety or my own. However, I have had to be strong in so many other ways for my son, that should I decide that the pains of labor are not something I am capable of handling this round, I’m going to ask for the epidural and be okay with that.
Without an epidural, I can go see my son in the NICU and possibly even be present for some of his testing. With an epidural or any other pain medications, I have to wait until I completely regain feeling in my legs to go see him. With a c-section – my recovery has to take a higher priority and it could be a few days before I get to see him, depending on how the surgery goes.
So I’m going in hoping for the best, but accepting that I’d rather have an epidural, or Pitocin, or whatever other things they might throw at me than a c-section.