Believe in Your Kid

Ok – sometimes one of the hardest things for me to do as a parent is to sit back and take a deep breath and remember that my daughter can do it.

“It” being whatever we are working on that is draining the life out of me.

For example, naptime on a nap mat for school.

Little Bird went for her first day of preschool this year a little over a week ago. She was very excited. She had her lunch, backpack, nap mat, and blanket.

When I arrived to pick her up, the director of the school stopped me in the middle of the hall (where other parents were picking up children) to tell me that Little Bird was removed from the class for a long period of time because she had a panic attack during naptime.

They suggested half days, where I would pick her up after lunch.

Now, granted, Little Bird does have panic attacks at times ever since we had to leave her in Tulsa for three months while we were with our son in St. Louis last winter. It was hard on us all. In the month since our little boy died, we’ve all been working on readjusting to normal life. Little Bird has a hard time with transitioning from one activity to the next and naptime in particular seems to really stress her out.

I honestly had some major concerns about this preschool before school started. I wanted an academic curriculum for Little Bird that was appropriate for her level of interest and maturity. This preschool, while having learning goals for her class the year before, shifted the focus to religious education in her new class.  We weren’t okay with that. We thought we’d try it and in the meantime, look into other schools.

Then this incident happened.  Honestly, I was upset that Little Bird was pulled from the classroom and no one called me. I was upset that the director talked to me about it in the middle of the hall in front of other parents. I was upset that on THE FIRST DAY they seemed to have written her off as traumatized by her brother’s death and they seemed extremely uncomfortable at the idea of helping her through readjusting to normal life.

Needless to say, I understand that people are uncomfortable with death (though I don’t feel the same way). I understand that the women at this school are not trained in helping a child through grief from loss. That said, Doc and I felt like it was time to find another school. This one was just a bad fit for Little Bird and our family.

I knew that Little Bird could adjust to a new routine. I knew she could “rest” on a nap mat. She just needed some time and some help. While I visited some other schools, we got to work at home.

End Goal: Move from lunchtime to rest time without signs of anxiety or protest. Little Bird will roll out her nap mat, sit or lay on it while quietly resting or reading books for an hour to two hours each day. After rest time, she will roll up her nap mat.

Here’s how it went.

Day 1: Holy nightmare. We rolled out the mat. As soon as she recognized it as the hell mat from preschool she panicked. She refused to sit on it. Didn’t want to touch it. In a calm voice (while frequently picturing the vodka on ice I would be having that evening) I stated “At rest time we must stay on our mat and keep our voices quiet.” I would gentle pick her up and place her back on her mat when she got off.  I stopped counting at the twentieth time I put her on the mat again. Reading books or any other activity was not working. After an hour of her screaming “I DON’T WANT TO TAKE A NAP!!!!!!!!” Little Bird looked at me and told me she was sad that Rowan died, then asked me to hold her while she cried.  Then she sat on the mat quietly for about five minutes and I let her get up. No nap. She did learn how to roll her mat up.

Day 2: Little Bird rolled her mat out. I offered to her that we could watch a movie during rest time, as long as she remained on her mat. She laid down. I played Sleeping Beauty. I held the remote. Every time she got up, I paused the movie and reminded her that “At rest time we must stay on our mat and keep our voices quiet”. Once she returned to the mat and quieted herself, I would resume the movie. She rested through out the movie and then rolled her mat up. No nap.

Day 3: Little Bird rolled her mat out. I told her I was going to read two books. After we listened to the books, we would watch Sleeping Beauty. This day went well. She calmly listened to the story. She stayed on her mat the entire time the movie was on, and rolled it up at the end.

Day 4: Little Bird rolled her mat, picked out a baby to sleep with and laid down. I read two longer books. I told her we would listen to quiet music for five minutes while resting quietly on our mat. After the quiet music we would watch Sleeping Beauty. When the movie was over, she rolled up her mat. No nap.

Day 5: Little Bird rolled out her mat, listened to 3 books, laid quietly while listening to music. After 5 minutes, she got upset and said she didn’t want to take a nap. I explained that she could lay in her bed and take a nap if she was going to be sad and loud or she could quietly lay on her mat and listen to music. (NOTE: NEVER GIVE CHOICES IF YOU AREN’T OKAY WITH BOTH OPTIONS. Both of these got her to rest quietly. Both worked for me and her.) She chose the second, laid down on her mat and TOOK A NAP!!!!!!

Day 6: Little Bird rolled out her mat, listened to two books, and got off the mat to leave the room. I reminded her that “during rest time we must stay on our mat and keep our voices quiet” and she lost it. She got angry and upset, so I told her she needed to lay on her bed. She kept getting out. I kept trying to calmly return her to bed, but she kept screaming. Finally, she stopped and through sobs choked out “Mom, I need to go pee pee, Oh no!” and had an accident.   ….shit.  OK! So NOW I say “During rest time we must stay on our mat and keep our voices quiet, but we can get up if we need to use the bathroom.” I apologized to her for not understanding that she wanted to go to the potty. We cleaned her up, she slept in her bed without complaint after that.

Day 7: Use the potty. Roll out nap mat. Listen to books. Listen to music. Nap. Roll up nap mat. Snack time.

My point is – don’t give up. Don’t think that your kid can’t do something you want them to be able to do. Set a goal. Help them develop a routine. Let them take responsibility (rolling their mat out and putting it up). Expect a few rough days. Remember that they are learning.  Remember to picture nice adult drinks once you handle the “crisis” moments (or bubble baths or whatever is your little ‘unwind’ secret). Don’t give up. Your child is amazing and capable.

Also, we found a school that fits Little Bird and our family perfectly. She is already doing wonderfully in her class and the teachers love her. I seriously don’t think I could have designed a better place for her. Sometimes a school doesn’t fit. Doesn’t mean the people running it are bad or that the school is bad, just means it’s not right for you or yours. So glad we decided to try something different.

Jalapeño Jelly Chicken

 

Ingredients:

1 small pkg chicken breasts of the boneless and skinless variety

5 tsp of dijon mustard

8 tsp of jalepeno jelly (I found it at Reasors)

6 tsp of honey (go local!)

salt and pepper

 

Directions:

Mix the mustard, jelly, and honey in a bowl. Put chicken in pan. Lightly salt/pepper chicken. Pour on sauce. Shove in oven. Preheat to 350, cook for an hour. I used a spoon to “baste” the chicken a couple of times so it had that nice even coating.

Those of you who like honey seared chicken at pei wei…this reminded me of it in the texture of the chicken and sauce.  This chicken however, has no breading.

We did steamed broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots with a small amount of butter as a side, but I think brown rice and edamame would pair well too!

Peach and Bleu Cheese Steak

 

*Bold directions are great for Little Helpers

Ingredients:

1 pkg Bleu Cheese Crumbles

1 peach per steak (but you can ALWAYS eat extra grilled peaches because they are delicious)

Balsamic Vinegar

Salt and Pepper

Ribeye Steak

 

Directions:

Let your rib eye sit on the counter until it is room temperature. I normally skip the salt and pepper when I’m using balsamic vinegar because it is so flavorful, but you can lightly salt and pepper the steaks if you’d like. Otherwise, I put just a few drops of balsamic vinegar on each steak. A little BV goes a long way.

Cut the peaches in half and remove the pit.

Our grill drives me nuts, but I try to turn it on medium heat (whatever that is). Generally, I try to cook out steak about medium. I give it about seven minutes on each side on my grill and that normally does it.

I normally wait about five minutes after the steak goes on and put the peaches on “meat” side down. You want to be able to squeeze the peaches and feel that they are pretty soft.  This for me generally takes about ten minutes.

Put steak on plate. (Tip: Let the steak sit for 5 minutes or so before you plate and serve.  This allows it to reabsorb all the juices. You can then cut off a small piece to make a “mini” steak for kiddos). Slice up peaches into pretty little wedges and arrange prettily so you look like a culinary bad ass. Sprinkle bleu cheese. Oh, hell ya! That’s gorgeous!

Additional awesomeness: You can use this same topping on grilled pork and it’s amazing. You can mix the peaches and blue cheese up with a little BV and freeze it to use as a sauce later on too.

Sausage Pockets

 

*Steps that are bolded are great for Little Helpers

Ingredients:

1 package of sausage (original)

5 or 6 baby bella mushrooms

1 package of feta crumbles (I like to use the flavored garlic and herb feta as a short cut)

2 package of crescent rolls

2 cups of shredded spinach

1 cup shredded mozzarella

*Makes 8 pockets

Directions:

 

Prep (I do this in the morning after breakfast so I don’t have to worry about it):

Cook sausage in a large skillet. When sausage is fully cooked, place on paper towels to absorb extra fat and oil.  Next, slice and firm up the baby portabella mushrooms in the same skillet (using the sausage fat as your oil).  You want them to turn a nice caramelized color. Remove extra oil by allowing them to rest and cool on a paper towel.  Dice the mushrooms and mix in a bowl with the sausage and allow it to cool in the refrigerator until you are ready to actually cook the pockets.

Cook:

Dump feta crumbles and mozzarella in bowl with chilled sausage and mushrooms. Rip spinach into small pieces and toss the entire mixture. It should look super pretty and impressive now.

Open crescent roll package.  You will use two triangles for each pouch.  Lay the two triangles over one another just slightly so that the shape looks more like a square. Using a rolling pin, roll it out a little to de-emphasize the seam.  Spoon filling into the middle, the pull the four corners together and pinch seams. You want a good amount of filling, but don’t overstuff. (Tip, practice with one pocket first to figure out what the “right” amount of filling looks like, then stuff the rest).  Place pockets on a lightly greased cookie sheet.  Preheat the oven to 350 and cool until golden brown (for me it normally takes 15-20 minutes).  Enjoy hot. Wrap up and eat cold or warm as a leftover.

So, my son died…

I realized today while going back over my blog that I hadn’t even posted on this one what happened to Rowan, my little Wolfling.

The long and the short of it is simply that Rowan’s body wasn’t compatible with long term life. We wanted it to be. We did what we could to give him his best chance at a long and happy childhood, and when that was no longer even a remote possibility, we decided to love him and enjoy the time we had left, making it the best possible.

Hospice was not only the right decision for our family, but a beautiful time for our family.  We lived the way I wish we’d always live and know we will continue to live. We loved him. We said goodbye.

He died on July 29th, holding our hands. He died peacefully, free of pain.

My son was a beautiful, amazing little boy that we knew would only be with us for a short time. Kids with his heart defects don’t die of old age. Same for kids with Cystic Fibrosis.

You can read about my little Wolfling on the blog we dedicated to him as we chronicled his short but meaningful life at withineachheart.blogspot.com

One day, I will sit down and write at length about hospice, “allowing” death, and what amazing peace hospice gave us as a family, but for now, this is enough.

Enjoying Dinner…at a restaurant

Last Friday, Doc and I took my sisters and Little Bird to a restaurant.  We had appetizers, dinner, and dessert.  Little Bird did great!

Believe it or not, Little Bird does fantastic at restaurants the majority of the time.

We had a few little training tricks we used to help her become familiar with what is expected at a restaurant.

#1: Eat out at Breakfast! Diners that serve breakfast are a great place to introduce a kiddo to eating out. Morning is Little Bird’s best time of day, so we had her eat with us at BBD (Brookside By Day) on a few mornings. Restaurants are less crowded if you go early and you can take your time explaining how things work.

#2: Explain how things work. “We will be given a table for us to eat at.  We will each sit in our own chair.  In a restaurant, people move around a lot, so we will try to stay in our seat so we don’t fall or knock people over.” As well as, “the waiter will bring us our food.  We have to tell them what we’d like and they will bring it to us when it is ready.”

#3: Have them order. When Evelyn orders her food, she accepts responsibility for that order. It gives her some control. She also orders her drink and says please and thank you to the waiter.

#4: Games. Make shapes with sugar packets (emphasizing that we will have to clean these toys up when the food comes) or stack jellies.  You are teaching your child ways to occupy themselves when waiting is hard. It’s a good trick.

#5: Talk. Have normal conversations about what you will do later that day or that weekend. Involve the kiddos. Talk about the food. What is delicious? What don’t you like very much? Talk about the kind of foods you are eating.

Following these steps have made mealtimes out and about not only relaxing, but FUN!

Sure, every now and then we have a spill, or we have to chase a little girl who is racing for the bathroom, but most of the time…it’s actually nice to take our kid to a restaurant.

Refocus

So, I have made a lot of progress on my goal of finding food sources that are more localized.  This is largely due to using Reasor’s for the food I can’t buy directly from the farmer’s market or butcher.  Reasor’s sells a lot of my favorite steals that are Oklahoma products, including bread made from wheat grown in state.

With that said, we’ve been refocusing our food in our home. Healthier? Not really, we do a pretty good job of that normally.

What we have been doing is making mealtimes family time. No meal takes place away from the table unless it’s a special occasion.  No electronics are allowed whatsoever. We try to eat in courses as often as possible to enjoy the food as well as teach Little Bird how to enjoy food and patiently anticipate the next course.

Little Bird now sets the napkins and plates on the table. She will be working on getting silverware set this week.

She also gets her own drink.

We have one rule: Everyone must try everything.

This rule applies to Little Bird AND Doc.

I’ve been having fun in the kitchen trying new things like Jalepeno Jelly, cooking a whole chicken, stuffed mushrooms, even mini cakes.

We only eat at specific times throughout the day.  Breakfast, Lunch, Snack, Dinner. All take place at the table.  Drinks are allowed whenever anyone wants one.  Drinks being Juice, Water, Milk, Tea, and Coffee.

Doc works a lot this month, so having a meal together at dinner has been priceless.  Little Bird’s conversation skills have skyrocketed.  She is learning summary skills when she tries to relay her day’s happenings to her dad. She is learning courtesy and how to show interest in other’s stories while we talk at the table too.

Little Bird helps me cook most days.  She is really great at pouring in pre-measured items, stirring, and tasting.  She is much more likely to eat things that she helped prepare.

We also “plate”. You can make anything look thirty times more tasty if you arrange it nicely on a plate.

This shift back to our old habits has been highly therapeutic. It’s nice to know that even if the day is hard, we’ll have a nice dinner at the end of it.

COMING SOON: …what to do when dinner goes badly and you have no time to get something together because today was THAT bad.

WARNING: If your kid struggles to eat anything other than cheese or bread or fruit snacks, adopting this way of eating, cooking, etc. takes a few weeks for them to adjust to. Enforce the “try it” rule. They may act like they are going to starve themselves, but eventually most kiddos come around when they figure out what to expect.