Sunday, May 13, 2012

“Mom Enough”

So, the TIME magazine cover is drawing crazy amount of hype.  While most of the controversy is around the 3 year old that is breast feeding on the cover, I think that the title of the article is what is worth discussing.  That question:

“Are You Mom Enough?”

What a horribly accurate representation of how I feel as a mom.  Before my second child was born, I felt like I could throw a resounding “YES!” at this question and run through the house in my supermom cape.  I felt sexy, sophisticated, professional, and above all, I felt like I was a kick ass mother.

Now…I think there are so many days where I feel like I’m good, but not good enough.  Sure, having a child with extra needs adds some stress, but I think most Moms hit a point where we feel the weight of this question.

Am I doing enough?

Truly, I think my insecurity with this question arises when I look at my two children.  Little Bird, who is a coming into her own as a small adult, and my Wolfling, who is developing quickly now and smiling more everyday.  Managing the high needs of one while trying to meet even the most basic attention needs of the other has been my daily hell.  I constantly feel like I am not doing enough for at least one of my children. 

But, I can’t expect too much of myself, right? I’m only human. 

When we brought Wolfling home, they told us he was too much to care for.  The nursing staff told us that when we couldn’t handle it they’d try to find us other options.

There were no other options for us. He is our son.  He should be here with us no matter what. 

In the beginning we had SO much help.  Meals were brought daily, people ran errands for us, we had visitors to keep me sane…

But we are going on 5 months now, and the help has dwindled.  Most days now, it’s just me.  I get a few hours of sleep at night between returning Little Bird to her bed to replacing Wolfling’s canula and giving meds.  I can only drink so much coffee. …and someone is always crying.

I push myself and PUSH – because my biggest fear is that I will look back in a few months at that question, and my answer will be “no.”  I will have failed Little Bird and she still won’t be potty trained.  I will have failed Wolfling who still won’t eat orally or sit up…

What if I fail my kids?

I have my own situation, but I am sure that there are other mothers out there thinking the same thing.  “Am I Mom Enough?”

And then I remember…my mom is human.  Despite how super human she seems to me, she is a person, with weaknesses and faults.  In my eyes though, she is superwoman.  I’m sure she made mistakes.  I’m sure she felt like she wasn’t doing enough…but I don’t remember my childhood that way.  She always tried.

And so that is my goal.  Am I mom enough?  I hope so. But more than I hope that I am…I hope I can stop thinking about that question.  I don’t have time to feel guilty.  Little Bird will be fine.  Wolfling will be fine.  The only one who will remember this time period and how distraught I felt is me.  I am my own biggest critic.

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