Honor

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Usually, we spend the day honoring our mother. I was honored by my husband two and a half hours before midnight when my husband asked me to marry him again on our next vacation. We have endured and struggled through the last two and a half years. The normal struggles of marriage were easily passed and we have felt great joy in the arrival of our daughter. However, losing a child a year ago has marred both of us. Yesterday, while thinking about what we will vow at our next wedding, I realized I was finally ready to let go of my child's spirit.

After a year of feeling pain at her absense and knowing what could have been, I am ready to get rid of the things I saved for her. I want to honor her memory, yet I hate to think that by holding on to her I would someone keep her from peace. So I am burning her candle down until it can burn no longer and releasing her. I am finally ready to let go.

This mother's day was about more than gifts from my husband and child. This mother's day was about honoring what it means to be a mother, a guardian and caretaker of a child. I am honored to be Evelyn's mother, and I will honor my lost one for the last time this week. Happy Mothers Day.