300th Post

A lot of blogs have been recaping the year 2012. Briefly…

We started 2012 in St. Louis with our son intubated and post heart surgery and our daughter back in Tulsa with my parents.

We stayed there until late March. Our daughter came to visit off and on.

From March to June we had several hospital trips with him in St. Louis and in Tulsa. We did some normal things like going to the zoo or aquarium or the park.

In June we redirected Rowan’s care to hospice care.

In July he died.

Doc went back to work a week later.

In August, Little Bird went back to preschool. It was a bad fit for her. We started a new school and ballet class. Ballet was a giant blessing for her. It’s been a fantastic coping mechanism for her.

My brother FINALLY married his fiancé, and I’m thrilled to have a new “official” sister.

In November I started nannying for an adorable little boy.

I’ve been writing off and on. Mostly, rewriting and looking for feedback and readers.

I’ve gotten really good at cooking.

The last five months have been blurring, hazy, and hard. I find that little joys are the ones that matter most. I find the most comfort from the time I spend with my husband and my daughter.

We feel a little like people who don’t belong. It seems like we spend a lot of time trying to start…just…moving around again. We are trying to focus a little on taking care of ourselves now. The first several months we worked really hard to make sure that we were doing the best for our daughter and that she would make it through ok. We put ourselves on the back burner.

So we started off the year with a tiny “staycation” and we’ve been taking time out as a couple to try to check in on one another. We’re working out when we can and trying to look towards the future with positivity.

That’s all we can really do.