Primas

We were lucky enough Wednesday to have a visit from Doc’s brother and family.  Due to our current medical situation, we haven’t been able to go see them and welcome our newest niece, Maya.  Maya is 2 months old today!  We finally were able to meet her, and she is one sweet little cuddler!  Little Bird loved getting to play with her cousin, Isa as well!  The two got a long really well together with very few sharing struggles.

Little Bird also was really happy about getting to hold her baby cousin, Maya.  She would run over and sit down so she could hold her.  She loved feeling baby Maya’s hair, giving kisses, and poking pointing at the baby’s eyes and nose.  It’s been hard missing out on visiting our family that doesn’t live in town the last few months, so we are always grateful for any time people are able to come see us.  Little Bird loved playing with her Primas and showed us once again how patient and gentle she can be.  We have a lot of faith that she will be one of the most amazing big sisters to her little brother.

Still a Hippie

Well, I toured the St Francis Labor and Delivery floor with Doc.

The good thing is that the NICU is much closer to the Labor and Delivery rooms as well as Postpartum recovery than I expected.

That’s about all the good things.

It’s not home.  There are too many people moving around everywhere.  It feels like a big factory shuffling people around.

I loved Little Bird’s birth.  I’m terrified of what this one will be like.  I’m terrified that I won’t be able to do it this time around. I’m afraid that knowing what awaits him when he is born will cause a mental block that will keep me from letting my body do what it needs to.

But I can’t dwell on what scares me.  I can’t let it matter – because it doesn’t.

I’m scared.  Big deal. The hospital terrifies me.  Who cares? This entire pregnancy from flu shot to high level scans to hospital delivery, knowing I will most likely not even get to hold my son for several days at best…it’s so anti who I am and what I believed in.  It goes against every maternal instinct I have had.  All of those “earth mother” “naturalistic” “trust in myself” ideas used to be so defining to how I viewed myself.

But, Rowan doesn’t need a super hippie mom who mistrusts the business of healthcare.  He needs a mom who does what is best for him, even if it’s scary.  Time to let go of “who I am” and be who I must.

We don’t all get to stay young forever.  Sometimes we have to grow up and realize that who we are doesn’t fit and we have to change to be something we don’t recognize.  I can figure out who I am again when my son is home with his family.

A Little piece of Heaven

 

 

I think October might be my favorite month of the year because it is always so soothing, despite the fact that it is the beginning of the busiest time of the year. 

Our family has been extremely lucky this month too.  Doc decided to give up the week of vacation we were hoping he could take to spend some time together as a family before Rowan’s arrival in December due to the fact that he will have to take unpaid leave past his limited vacation dates to be with us when Rowan arrives or present for his surgeries or recovery.  While this was just one sacrifice we thought we’d have to make, we’ve been extremely fortunate in that his schedule this month has afforded him an amazing amount of family time.

He only was scheduled one weekend to work, so we have every weekend together this month.  We spent some time as a family Sunday and realized it was the first day we had had together in over two months.  Doc has been home mid-afternoon, meaning we can take Little Bird to the park and enjoy family time in a way that has not been possible for the last few months.

On our first date in Stillwater, Doc took me to a park.  We stood on top of the jungle gym and watched a few kids playing nearby.  Doc said something super corny.  Doc told me that he thought that was what heaven must feel like.  Even on our first date together, we felt a sense of peace just being together and being outside, watching carefree kiddos play felt, well, heavenly.

As we played in Woodward Park with our daughter on Sunday, Doc grabbed my hand as Little Bird took off towards a tree yelling “Squirrel!  I see you!  Come here!” and said “You know, I was wrong on our first date.  I think this is it.  It’s even better when it’s your kid.”

 

 

 

Right now, our family is happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Right now, we are together and we are healthy.

 

 

 

And right now, that is enough to make everything feel like heaven.

Pickles Pickles Pickles

Well, if you garden in Oklahoma, it has been a frustrating year.  We weren’t able to get our garden in, but my mom’s garden produced zilch during the normal season.  Now that it should all be finished producing – we’re finally seeing tomatoes, cantaloupes, watermelons, and….

TONS OF CUCUMBERS

So we tried out our jam making skills last year – looks like it is time to make pickles!

The Family That Dines Together

Doc and were so excited that our first furniture purchase together has finally happened!  We eat dinner together every night Doc is home at our dining room table.  On nights he has call or is working, we try to take him dinner and visit him at the call room (not as sexy as Grey’s Anatomy tries to make it).  Eating meals together has been important to Doc and I since we got married, and now we spend at least 30 minutes eating a healthy home-cooked meal every night.

I am happy to say that after 6 years together and nearly 4 years of marriage, we have finally returned my family’s table to them and have our own.  It is “small” size in this photo but pulls out and has a leaf stored that makes the table easily comfortable for 8.  My favorite thing is the bench seat.  It’s perfect for a family full of kids, which we will one day be.  Little Bird LOVES the bench and sits there for meals.  It gives her a little more mobility without her getting up, and she’s less likely to tip it backward.  For our first and last major purchase for a good while, I think it was wonderful to get something that makes way for the future full of happy children we know is out there for us.  Hopefully happy, healthy children.

Pumpkin Zucchini Muffins

I am thankful that today IS a day like any other day, unlike that day 10 years ago.  I am thankful that I can do normal things today and that 10 years after the attack meant to destroy our nation, we are still here.  And when I am feeling blessed and thankful, I bake.

So today I tried out a recipe from AllRecipes.com for Pumpkin Zucchini Bread, only I made muffins.  I used half whole wheat flour instead of all purpose flour and they still taste amazing!

 

It was a wonderful little fall treat to celebrate the cooling weather and the fact that I have a wonderful family who is blessed to have the freedom to believe what our hearts guide us to, speak our minds, and permit each of us to have equal rights.

It’s Hard to Feel Sorry For Yourself

When you think of all the joy you have experienced in your life

Doc and I are working on putting together our second Adventure Book and Little Bird’s Year Two Book.  As we were looking through pictures over the last several years, both of us just could not escape a feeling of intense gratefulness.

How do you see pictures of every good adventure you’ve had and not feel like you have nothing to be sad about, nothing to worry about, and nothing to burden your mind?

We all have rough patches in life.  We all go through hardships and trials.  But those are such small matters when you look at everything you have experienced with people you love.  Just because we know when a rough patch will be coming with Rowan doesn’t mean that we won’t come out of it blessed like we have in the past.  It just means we have time to prepare.

My husband and I are more in love now than we were when we got married.  We are happier together than we knew possible.  My daughter is a joy – even when she’s teething.  We have a beautiful life we are building together.  I have no reason to feel sorry for myself or my family.  I have no reason to be sad.  So until life gives me a real reason, I’m choosing to smile at the beautiful weather, run outside and play with my daughter, and love the joyful moments my family has been blessed with right now.