Primas

We were lucky enough Wednesday to have a visit from Doc’s brother and family.  Due to our current medical situation, we haven’t been able to go see them and welcome our newest niece, Maya.  Maya is 2 months old today!  We finally were able to meet her, and she is one sweet little cuddler!  Little Bird loved getting to play with her cousin, Isa as well!  The two got a long really well together with very few sharing struggles.

Little Bird also was really happy about getting to hold her baby cousin, Maya.  She would run over and sit down so she could hold her.  She loved feeling baby Maya’s hair, giving kisses, and poking pointing at the baby’s eyes and nose.  It’s been hard missing out on visiting our family that doesn’t live in town the last few months, so we are always grateful for any time people are able to come see us.  Little Bird loved playing with her Primas and showed us once again how patient and gentle she can be.  We have a lot of faith that she will be one of the most amazing big sisters to her little brother.

Still a Hippie

Well, I toured the St Francis Labor and Delivery floor with Doc.

The good thing is that the NICU is much closer to the Labor and Delivery rooms as well as Postpartum recovery than I expected.

That’s about all the good things.

It’s not home.  There are too many people moving around everywhere.  It feels like a big factory shuffling people around.

I loved Little Bird’s birth.  I’m terrified of what this one will be like.  I’m terrified that I won’t be able to do it this time around. I’m afraid that knowing what awaits him when he is born will cause a mental block that will keep me from letting my body do what it needs to.

But I can’t dwell on what scares me.  I can’t let it matter – because it doesn’t.

I’m scared.  Big deal. The hospital terrifies me.  Who cares? This entire pregnancy from flu shot to high level scans to hospital delivery, knowing I will most likely not even get to hold my son for several days at best…it’s so anti who I am and what I believed in.  It goes against every maternal instinct I have had.  All of those “earth mother” “naturalistic” “trust in myself” ideas used to be so defining to how I viewed myself.

But, Rowan doesn’t need a super hippie mom who mistrusts the business of healthcare.  He needs a mom who does what is best for him, even if it’s scary.  Time to let go of “who I am” and be who I must.

We don’t all get to stay young forever.  Sometimes we have to grow up and realize that who we are doesn’t fit and we have to change to be something we don’t recognize.  I can figure out who I am again when my son is home with his family.

A Little piece of Heaven

 

 

I think October might be my favorite month of the year because it is always so soothing, despite the fact that it is the beginning of the busiest time of the year. 

Our family has been extremely lucky this month too.  Doc decided to give up the week of vacation we were hoping he could take to spend some time together as a family before Rowan’s arrival in December due to the fact that he will have to take unpaid leave past his limited vacation dates to be with us when Rowan arrives or present for his surgeries or recovery.  While this was just one sacrifice we thought we’d have to make, we’ve been extremely fortunate in that his schedule this month has afforded him an amazing amount of family time.

He only was scheduled one weekend to work, so we have every weekend together this month.  We spent some time as a family Sunday and realized it was the first day we had had together in over two months.  Doc has been home mid-afternoon, meaning we can take Little Bird to the park and enjoy family time in a way that has not been possible for the last few months.

On our first date in Stillwater, Doc took me to a park.  We stood on top of the jungle gym and watched a few kids playing nearby.  Doc said something super corny.  Doc told me that he thought that was what heaven must feel like.  Even on our first date together, we felt a sense of peace just being together and being outside, watching carefree kiddos play felt, well, heavenly.

As we played in Woodward Park with our daughter on Sunday, Doc grabbed my hand as Little Bird took off towards a tree yelling “Squirrel!  I see you!  Come here!” and said “You know, I was wrong on our first date.  I think this is it.  It’s even better when it’s your kid.”

 

 

 

Right now, our family is happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Right now, we are together and we are healthy.

 

 

 

And right now, that is enough to make everything feel like heaven.

Pickles Pickles Pickles

Well, if you garden in Oklahoma, it has been a frustrating year.  We weren’t able to get our garden in, but my mom’s garden produced zilch during the normal season.  Now that it should all be finished producing – we’re finally seeing tomatoes, cantaloupes, watermelons, and….

TONS OF CUCUMBERS

So we tried out our jam making skills last year – looks like it is time to make pickles!